Northern Ireland v Austria

tweeted Donald this chilling warning: Evolution has given me 128 teeth and it only takes one to puncture your skin you hat*ful little green space monkey!). Keep it clean boys. Billy aside, you are a bit of a celeb magnet, having been snapped with Snodden, Armstrong, Murray, Gillespie and, er, Chris Brunt's dad. Care to share any top goss? Our hotel pre and post-match in Basel was out of this world. After a few proseccos with (Cool FM’s) Becs… Snodden, Murray and Gillespie muscled over. I wasn’t that impressed cos I have a wee thing for Becs but I hear she isn’t available any more. Next on my celeb list are Fullerton, Nesbitt and Cecilia Daly. Nice line-up. Do you ever dream of playing for Northern Ireland? I once got a trial for The Galaxy of LA but got turned down for being too small and easily pushed off the ball. Nowadays I dream of getting on the pitch as a mascot and being carried aloft by McIlroy and Nesbitt in front of the Kop. An Alien can dream. But do you ever close your eyes and get some kip? A wise man from the Four Winds once told me that sleepin’s cheatin’… so no. And finally, Donald, anything else you'd like to share with your fans and fellow GAWA members? Thank you for letting me communicate with the GAWA via your program portal. Follow me on Twitter @AlienDonaldthe. We’re on our way.

Thanks for confirming your grass roots. Speaking of which, how do you get 'match fit'? Do you have a pre-match routine? RVP is usually in the city centre where I can get fully inflated and then I take a quick shoulder ride to Windsor. I usually get stopped on the way by kids or celebs for selfies... before free entry to the National Football Stadium as a bonus. Then it’s #daretodream. Have you had any home or away mishaps? I’m usually punctured after any match. Vienna was looking serious at one stage but a friendly member of the GAWA supplied a puncture repair kit and a bit of puff and I was revitalised. Potentially the worst mishap was getting a ticket among the Swiss home support in Basel. It turned out OK; they were a very non-confrontational bunch. That night ended on the big white telephone after being introduced to the monks’ tonic. At home I was once told to sit down in the North Stand. I’m now in the Kop. What do you never travel without? My Northern Ireland tap, a battery-powered inflation device and a roll of duct tape. Speaking of amphibians, describe your relationship with fellow emerald inflatable @ Billycrocodile. Ah, my antipodean blow-up Bro. We are close but not too close though as those TEEF are razor sharp. He’s more of a party animal and likes to be in the middle of everything. I prefer to bounce up and down on the sidelines. I think he’s jealous of my celebrity status (indeed @Billycrocodile once

Words Heidi McAlpin

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